Why Can't I Love Someone Else?
by DewberryChocolate
Summary: It's a question that Mayaka Ibara has been asking herself for years. / A one-shot of how Mayaka thinks of Satoshi when she's alone.


_Why can't I love someone else?_

It's a question that Mayaka Ibara has been asking herself for years. She presses her back against her mattress and closes her eyes, taking deep breaths in rhythm to the song blaring in her ears. She presses the volume-up button on her phone and directs her focus to the lyrics of what's playing, trying to get herself to think about anything.

Anything – just not Satoshi.

_It's never going to happen, _she constantly reminds herself, but that last hope flaring up from her chest keeps her believing otherwise. A childish love spirals from her heart, and it sickens her. It's never going to happen, and she knows it – years of asking, and he's never replied with a positive answer. He has no interest, for all she knows. He might just hang around her now since they're in the same club, just recently. But still, there he is. A middle-school crush - _her_ middle-school crush, dangling in front of her every night, drifting in and out of her dreams.

A muffled groan escapes her lips, and she opens her eyes. There's no way out of it, out of her daydreams. She's been sucked into a tornado, and she is not Mother Nature. Ripping the earplugs out of the socket, the music pauses automatically. Letting the wires sit in a hopeless tangle beside her, she throws her phone across the room and watches as it falls with a quiet clatter.

There is rain outside her window. They thud against the ground, forming small puddles, making noises against the glass to her right. Mayaka walks over, her bare feet cold against the floorboards. Her fingers find the handle of the screen and she pulls it shut. _How appropriate, _she thinks. _A rainy day to match a rainy mood._

Memories flash through Mayaka's mind. Walking towards her middle school building, her books held tight against her chest, her messenger bag slung over one shoulder in a lazy manner. The sound of her feet scuffling against the rough cement, the rain trickling down from her ear and pattering on her shoulders. The footsteps of another, approaching her from behind. A finger tapping her on the side, and then suddenly, an umbrella above her head. Turning around and being greeted by a crooked smile, wrinkly eyes – Satoshi.

It had and would always be Satoshi.

He was there. He was _always _there, even in the most inappropriate situations. When she had been sniffling outside the girl's bathroom on the first day of school, he'd walked up to her and raised an eyebrow and frowned and asked, "What's wrong?" _Damn his curiosity, _she had thought then, and she thinks now. _Damn Satoshi Fukube for his curiosity and for being such a perfect idiot._

Mayaka gets lost in the flashbacks, embracing them, holding them tight. She doesn't even realize it, until the sounds of _pitter-patter-pitter-patter _snap her back to reality. The sigh that follows is raw, rid of happiness, clouded with obvious desperation. Even in the rain, she can see him. Even in a completely unrelated moment, she can see him. Anywhere. Everywhere.

A hand runs through her unruly, brown hair. Her lips press together, and she walks across the room. Perhaps a manga could help get him off her mind. She could reread one of her favorites – maybe _A Corpse by Evening, _which Oreki-san had let her keep. She pushes papers off her desk and digs under mounds of who-knows-what until she finds it.

Opening the manga up, she collapses carelessly and starts on the first page. Despite the dust, Mayaka quite liked it on the floor. She wasn't sure why people complained so much when they had to sit or lay down there, rather than use a chair or bed. It was quite nice. Cold. Not very inviting, but still a little inviting nonetheless. _The floor deserves more love, _Mayaka thinks as her eyes float over the sketches on the pages before her.

Her mind drifts away, carried by the characters in the story, her head filled with imagery and all kinds of inexplicable emotion. The words drown out the rain. Her heartbeat slows. Her chest rises and falls. For once she is calm, and for once, she isn't thinking about _him. _She doesn't need him. She never did. All she needs is a companion manga, a little music to her ears – whether it be rain or a rock band – and the will to put up some walls.

A small smile crawls up the rebellious teenager's face.

In that moment, Mayaka Ibara fell out of love with Satoshi Fukube.

Her eyes linger on the word she'd last read, and her smile grows wider. She is no longer in love. She is absolutely, totally, and completely fine with being on her own, and becomes accustomed to the fact he never will and never did love her back. The manga folds shut, falling against her shirt, and she stares into the rainy day.

Her phone rings.

Across the room, the music resumes. _Now I'm one of those crazy girls…Now I'm one of those crazy girls… _Mayaka's head turns and she stares at the lit screen from her spot on the floor. She blinks, then puts the manga down on her desk and scrambles to her feet. _Perhaps it's Oreki, _she thinks, _or Chii-chan, asking for assistance. _Her fingers latch onto the side of the mobile device and she pulls it up to her face.

Satoshi Fukube _said: _Hey.

Her heart pounds against her chest. The blood rushes to her head. Her hand trembles, and she types a petty response before racing to her bed. Her body crumples against the bed sheets, her face pressed into her pillow. "_Nyah!_" she groans loudly, throwing a fist to her side, listening to the thud it makes. Even when she's sure she's strong enough, she can't stop herself from what always comes next.

It's always the same. Mayaka Ibara falls back in love with Satoshi Fukube.

_Why can't I love someone else?_


End file.
